so there's been a bit of a flurry about parenting lately on the blogs, and the same issues came up at work, so fwiw, a few things about being a parent.

1. It's hard. It's really, really hard. It's really, really hard not because the work itself is all that difficult, but because you don't get to go home from it and it's not on a schedule you control.

2. Kids are natural scientists. All their energy goes into testing the world, particularly the interesting bits of it that they're not supposed to get into, because those are the parts the grownups play with so they must be the most interesting and important parts. The thing they most enjoy testing, however, is you. You set the limits to their world. The most interesting and important things may be beyond those limits. It's their job to find out.

3. They don't think like you do. They don't understand consequences yet. They're not doing that insanely frustrating thing you can't stand because they enjoy seeing you frustrated. They're doing it because they want to see what's going to happen.

4. They want your attention. You may have other things you want to do or have to do and you don't really feel as if you have the attention to give them. If at all possible, give it to them anyway, because if they don't get it from you voluntarily, they have many effective strategies for getting it by force (see 2 and 3).

5. Letting them help around the house is a lot more work than not letting them help around the house. Suck it up and let them help. There's usually one piece of a chore they can manage, and you need to find it. There are two great advantages to this: it keeps them busy while you're getting things done, and it helps wear them out (kids under five always need more sleep than they're getting. Wearing them out is a very valuable addition to your parental arsenal. For the life of me I will never understand why people keep their kids in strollers when they're awake. You get home, you're exhausted and they're wired from being strapped in a seat. So not the point. Wear them out. Trust me on this.)

Also sooner or later they get to the point where they're pretty good at it, and then you have someone to help with the housework.

edit: it occurs to me that I didn't say what the upside of this one is. It makes them feel very important to be involved in what you're doing and puts you on the same side, it saves trying to find something to do while you're trying to get things done, and most importantly, it means that when they're resting, you can rest too instead of scrambling around trying to get your chores done. Also, it's attention. See 4.

6. Craft basket. Go get yourself one of those wicker baskets with a lid and put crayons, construction paper, big beads, feathers, glue, glitter and anything else that catches your fancy in it. When you need them distracted, they'll find something in there. Put an old tshirt of yours on them and let them loose. They'll make a mess. Spread out newspapers and let them make a mess. It'll be a terrific excuse for a bath.

7. Museums. Museums are the greatest gift a kindly society ever gave to parents. Climate controlled, clean bathrooms, changing tables, probably a cafeteria, lots of neat stuff to look at, other kids and endless flights of lovely stairs. For some reason they seem to really like stairs. This fits nicely with the wearing them out thing.

8. Parent time outs. There comes a time when you're going to react in a way that you really don't think you should be reacting. Shit happens. The little darling is going to learn that other people have boundaries sooner or later, and it's not the end of the world. That it happens doesn't mean that it's OK for you to let loose. This is where the parental timeout comes in. Mother's/Father's own darling, you say, I am not handling this well, and I'm going to my room until I can behave like a civilized person. Also, if you get out of bounds? Apologize. Nothing impresses a kid more than hearing one of their almighty parents admitting they've behaved badly. It gives them the idea that bad behavior is really, really not OK. This is a good idea for them to have.

Do not, however, apologize for setting limits. They're not going to like them. They don't have to. Cultivate The Look. and never, ever negotiate with terrorists. Really do turn around and go home a few times and you'll be amazed how the blackmail attempts will dwindle.

9. Right now, you're probably wobbling from lack of sleep, you haven't had this little personal space since you were in diapers and you're probably wondering what in hell you were thinking. It's understandable. Certainly nobody told you about most of this before you were plunged in it.

Here's the thing, though. This ends. It really does. You take a deep breath and you keep firmly in front of you that you have a lot to say about what kind of person this little creature is going to become, and you ask yourself what kind of person you want to have living in your house for the next twenty years of your life, and you act, toward the child and toward any other parent that may be lying around the house, in such a way that your kid grows up thinking that it's perfectly natural to try to be an agreeable, compassionate, funny, interesting person, just like mom and dad are trying to be.

As I said, fwiw.